Benjamin.my … and his miscellaneous takes on life.

Life After Hitting Rock Bottom

You know, I never truly understood life. At first, I thought having the guts to dream big and not willing to conform to others would lead to a great life. As a matter of fact, it led to much miseries. Then I thought, working hard is the path to great life. Actually maybe I didn't truly believe it, then I came across the Law of Attraction books, it resonates so much with me, I started looking elsewhere. But life in general, hasn't improved much. And with each day, my dreams continued to shatter into pieces without mercy.

Then came December 2009. It was a festive season and sales were slow due to a lot of holidays. Practically every friday in that month was a public holiday and public holidays affect my sales a great deal. I had a great month in November, best I had up to that point, yet I wasn't earning as much as I anticipated. So I really had high hopes that I could push it further in December. There, my hopes were melting as each day goes pass. Already being far as hell from my ultimate target, yet that month I was going backwards. It was really hard to swallow.

I was feeling so exhausted, so tired of my life. It feels like nothing is going according to plans There was so much resentment and resistance with what-is, I could hardly breath. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I know I wasn't happy feeling so stuck with life.

Then my birthday came, and shortly the new year came. Knowing that I wasn't going anywhere and that I am too tired fighting against the flow of life, I surrendered. For once, despite hating and detesting of joining the rat race, I started accepting the possibility of going into workforce if there is better for me. My aim for 2010 was simple and measurable. I want [an X amount] a month in salary. Something very basic for a working fresh graduate, but was immeasurably hard for me and my start-up business. Then something very strange happened.

You see towards the end of December 2009, instead of resentment against life, I slowly started accepting what-is. I was still making plans for my business and learning more about how to set achievable goals for myself, but at the same time I was on the look out for opportunities that would allow me to jump onto the [an X amount] bandwagon. :) I was really, willing to give up on my dreams if that's what it takes to get on with my life. I really didn't feel like I had any more energy to fight against life anymore.

On the first week of 2010, out of expection, the sales volume has already exceeded my best ever month in 2009. :O All happened in just one week instead of a month, and at the very first week at that! It all happened when I have actually decided that giving up isn't such a bad idea after all. That very moment, I stop trying to go upstream. I let go, and the flow of life started carrying me downstream. I gotta say that it feels GOOOD! It feels DAMN GOOD! To quote Jerry and Esther Hicks, "Nothing you ever wanted is upstream. "

It feels damn good to feel that life is finally being cooperative. It feels damn good to feel that I no longer have to fight for anything, or against anything to get what I want. But guess what? I still am willing to accept that perhaps one day, I might have to go into the workforce again, and I no longer hold any resistance towards that.

The Power of Now is accurate in pointing out that, when you finally are able to accept the what-is without any resistance, then miraculously, everything that you were resisting seems to be disappearing, with life being very cooperative out of a sudden.

I love this feeling! No wonder so many of them out there make it big only after they hit the rock bottom. I guess without going through the rock bottom, it's hard to achieve this kind of vibrational state. To be finally willing to give up control and just let life be.

The Life After... Life After Hitting Rock Bottom

The post above was actually written around 15th January 2010. What that is added below is written today, 16th March 2010.

2 months quickly went by after I last wrote the article and saved it as draft. My income has been steadily increasing since then, exactly matching with how I felt then... that life has been cooperative and helpful. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise as I wrote previously in an article, well-being is natural to us as long as we don't resist it. After surrendering innerly and dropping all the resistance I had against life, the life finally gets to flow again. :)

Lately, I got a part-time engineering/IT job. I am due to start next week. For everyday, 5 days a week, I will be working 3 hours in the morning, and I am free to go and work on my business in the afternoon. I have to be honest to you that, such a job is almost impossible to find in Malaysia, yet somehow it found me. Yes I was actually asked if I am interested in that job, instead of looking through classified ads to search for the best job.

I don't know about you, but life has really been so nice to me starting this year, I feel so awesomely blessed. But I understand that this is all part of the "let life flows through you and offers no resistance" thingie, and I am constantly making sure that no resistance is there within me.

I truly believe that if life is not working for you, you can make it work just like how I do. Surrender now and go with the flow. How? I think I might have to write another article on that. :P